They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
