Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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