I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
