you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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