when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
