What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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