Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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