Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
