how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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