Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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