what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
