My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
