The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
