if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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