I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize