She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
