haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
