I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
