A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
