I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Text me some of your sweat
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