note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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