went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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