your room smells of hookers.
And success
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
