Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
