ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
