Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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