just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
