His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
