i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
