Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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