Heybabeimwearingurpanties
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
