That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
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