her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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