I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i drank out of a bidet.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
