My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
