Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
