so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
