Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
