But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
