omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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