she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
