the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize