I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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