Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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