Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
