I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize