I want to walk on stilts...naked
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
