It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
