I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
