is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
