the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
