Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
fuck your aforementioned shoe
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
