if only i could text you this smell
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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