no. you can't hotbox the world.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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