hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
