Walk of Shame. In a state park.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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