My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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