UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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