Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
