so explain again why im purple
no
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
