Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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