So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize