my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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