My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
