just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
