she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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