i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It was confusing and full of hummus
operation have a gay friend backfired
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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