She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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