Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
