I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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