And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
