I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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