You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
