just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
